<shows inch-long fangs, bites into a blood bag, and smiles at Vlad, blood dripping from his face> Hello, Vladimir. <licks the blood off of his face with his eerily long, serpentine tongue>
<laughs> I was told I should read the series. I opened the book, and before I even turned the page, I was like "AH!!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!" (out loud, mind you). I burned the book 10 minutes later.